This is a continuation of thoughts from my blog post yesterday.

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 I'm sitting here wondering whether or not I should write this post.  It's not an easy one.  I feel it may even feel a bit contradictory to some of my earlier posts.  However, this issue is continuing to occupy space in my thoughts so I feel I need to try to write.
 
I have written in the past how I feel about the role God plays in the abuse I and many others have suffered.  I've not only written about His role in abuse but in all things bad that happen.  I have written that I don't feel such a wonderful, loving, good God could have anything to do with evil and bad things.  This has been challenged over the last year.  God is increasing my understanding.  Here's how...
 

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The question I pose as the title of this post has been something on my mind a lot lately.  Over the past couple of months I have felt to increase my involvement with abuse awareness.  The first step for me has been to talk about it as openly as I possibly can.  This step requires an abundance of courage, grace, and sensitivity.  It requires me to battle against the shame that can still overwhelm me at times because I am a survivor of abuse.

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"Bound by their fears of being exposed as imposters, these women have kept secrets that they believed would ruin them.  And there were patterns I couldn't help but see as I read--faith, family, friends, careers, etc.--all areas in which women assumed they were alone in their struggles.  From where I was sitting I could see all of their words along with everyone else's, but they didn't have the benefit of that viewpoint.  Just their own keyboard and the hope that they wouldn't be judged by the contents of the message they wrote.  It's a microcosm of what the Lord must see everyday as He watches His daughters walk through life without seeing the hearts of the women around them." quote from "What Women Fear; Walking in Faith that Transforms" by Angie Smith.
 
This paragraph caught my attention as I was reading chapter 3 for our women's small group meeting.  The last sentence especially spoke to me, "It's a microcosm of what the Lord must see everyday as He watches His daughters walk through life without seeing the hearts of the women around them."  This sentence actually broke my heart and I thought about how true it is.  I feel, as a woman, I have an incredibly hard time not comparing myself to other women both outwardly and inwardly.  I have caught myself doing it quite often.  I am thankful that I am finally aware of it and am working to change it.  Whenever I am comparing myself I try to change it by remembering that I only need to be concerned with how God sees me and the work He wants to do and is doing in my life.  I remind myself to look at my outside through the lenses of what God is doing on the inside.  He is creating beautiful restoration and wholeness.  It's ok for me to reflect that on the outside and choose clothes and things that I like, not because I saw the same outfit on someone else and it looked fantastic.  I need to look for what works for me.  As I begin to take this approach with myself, I see the same struggle in other women.  My heart breaks for them.  I see their need to maintain a facade.  I catch glimpses of the "them" they don't want anyone else to see.
 

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I've noticed a lot of talk in the media lately about bullying and efforts to stop it.  I think it's fantastic!  I, too, was bullied in middle school and high school so I completely support efforts that will help kids stop being bullies and victims.  There's another type of bullying I would like to draw attention to...Spiritual Bullying.  This, on the other hand, I still do not hear a whole lot about yet it is just as widespread and damaging as the bullying being suffered physically and emotionally by kids across America.  I'm thinking it's partially due to the nature of this type of abuse.  It can be very subtle and soft.  Unlike physical and verbal abuse, the victim and those around may not even realize they are being bullied til well after the fact.  This is where I found myself many years ago.
 

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